Waking the Dragon
by sciphile
Summary: Nothing is the same for Castle after the events of 3X13 Knockdown.  But will he ever be able to breach the walls of Kate's fortress?  SEASON 3 SPOILERS
1. Chapter 1

_Title: Waking the Dragon_

_Pairing: Castle/Beckett_

_Rating: M (for later chapters)_

_Spoilers: 3X13 Knockdown_

_Disclaimer: Castle, its characters, and all related content are the property of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended. Only hotness._

_Summary: _"You woke the dragon," McCallister had said. At the time, neither Castle nor Beckett could know how true those words would turn out to be.__

__Author's Note: Ah, fanfic. I wish I knew how to quit you.__

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

"Are you even listening to me, Castle?"

The sharpness of Kate's tone snapped Rick out of his thoughts. He'd been looking right at her. Watching her lips, even. The way they moved. But no, he hadn't been listening. His body was in his chair by her desk, but his mind had been somewhere else. Back in that alley, a couple of nights ago. The night his world had been rocked to its foundation.

In hindsight, he could see how Kate might think he'd cooked up that whole undercover idea just to get a shot at kissing her, but no matter what she thought, that hadn't been part of the plan. At least, not consciously. He'd only resorted to that when their rescue attempt had threatened to turn sour. As he'd held Kate's face in his hands, his knees shaking, his breath stuck in his throat, he'd half expected her to deck him, cover be damned.

But she hadn't. When he'd met her lips, they'd been soft, and so warm. Heat had flowed like liquid mercury through his veins. He'd never felt chemistry like that before. Not on the first kiss or any kiss thereafter. Like every cell on his body had caught on fire.

It stunned him. He thought it did her, too. She'd pulled away, and the look in her eyes hadn't been one of "what the hell do you think you're doing," as he might have thought. It had been "Holy Shit." The same thought reverberating through his head. After that, there'd been nothing undercover about their kiss. It had been real. She'd kissed him back, the softness of her lips giving way to her wet, driving tongue. She'd clutched at him, to his utter disbelief. For a moment he completely forgot they were there on a rescue mission, and when she'd swung away to pistol-whip that unsuspecting thug, Rick had nearly cursed.

Since then, being near Kate had been hard. Really hard. She just wanted to act like nothing happened, of course. That was their MO. Everything was fine between them as long as they never mentioned his attraction to her in anything but the most playful terms. If they just kept laughing it off, he could keep his chair by her desk, and keep bringing her morning coffee as if it all wasn't just an elaborate excuse to see her every day.

But he didn't know if he could settle for that anymore. He didn't think he could ever go back to the way things were. Kate was his One. He knew that now. The nebulous unease that doomed his relationship with Gina had crystallized into unwavering conviction.

He gathered himself. "I'm sorry, Beckett. I've just been a little distracted today."

"You've been a little 'distracted' all week, Castle, ever since we bagged Lockwood. You're no good to me like this. Is there something going on?"

Playing dumb. Never Bring It Up. That was the pact. Rick looked down at his hand, still swollen and mottled with purple and blue. Yeah, there was something going on. There'd been a lot going on, ever since she showed up on his doorstep, needing him, the morning Raglan was shot. He wasn't even counting that, or the bone-chilling terror he'd felt when he thought she'd been hit.

For starters, he'd finally admitted to his mother (and himself) there was more to his relationship with Beckett than just literary inspiration. He'd reached an agreement with Kate on the nature of their partnership. Had seen a glimpse of her soul when she shared her mother's case file with him. Had shared a brilliant, unexpected moment of passion that she now wanted to brush under the rug.

It was a lot to take in. All this culminating with a white-hot moment of rage when Lockwood, or whatever his name was, had that shot trained on her head. It had awakened the animal in him. He still didn't remember how he ended up on top of Lockwood, beating the hell out of his face. He just remembered that at the time there was no thought of pain. That didn't come until much later.

He released a strained noise, some kind of cross between a chuckle and a scoff. "It's nothing, Beckett." He hoped she didn't notice his nose twitch. "Just…writer stuff."

She glared at him. "'Writer Stuff'? Castle, this is a _murder_ investigation. Is your 'writer stuff' worth letting this guy get away? I need you on your A-game or not at all."

Her words echoed his innermost fears. Without a murder to solve, did she have any use for him?

He had to tell her. Right now. He had to know. Even if he ruined everything, even if she couldn't return his feelings and he could never come back to the 12th. At least he could start to heal. He opened his mouth, and a rush of adrenaline overcame him, so intense it made him gasp. Instantly he was shaking like an earthquake.

_Don't Bring It Up!_

Dammit! He launched out of his chair, stared down at her, his body broadcasting his fury and frustration. Kate looked stunned, but he didn't care. He was sick of this, being stuck in an infinite holding pattern. Forced to watch her carry on with the wrong man. Forced to shrug off her aloof demeanor as if she meant nothing to him. "I'm going to get some coffee."

Kate gaped. A part of him winced at his behavior, but he turned his back on her and marched to the break room.

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><p>Kate fought the urge to stop Castle as he stormed off. She'd probably pushed him too far. She hated doing that to him—lying like that. As if she hadn't noticed him staring at her mouth. As if that didn't make her stomach tighten. For the past few days, kissing him was practically all she could think about. How solid his body had felt. How he'd trembled.<p>

But what was she supposed to do? She was with Josh. Even if she wasn't, she didn't think things could be any different. She was Castle's shiny toy. That was all. The second he got tired of writing Nikki Heat, he'd be gone. How much of a sucker would she be to let him get to her? She wasn't about to make a fool of herself.

She'd made a choice. She would never sleep with Castle. Ever. No matter how charming he could be. No matter how many nights she stayed up reading the Heat books, imagining body shots with him as Jameson Rook.

Because every time she started to let him in, every time she tried to let down her guard, he had to go and ruin it. Either he'd tease her about his not-so-secret fantasies about her, or he'd offer some lewd comment, or he'd just generally act like an overgrown twelve-year-old.

Every. Time.

It was frustrating, but at the same time, she was perversely grateful for it. Castle never let her take leave of her senses for very long.

So why couldn't she cut him loose?

Kate turned back around and picked at the stacks of visitor logs on her desk.

It was a question she'd avoided asking herself. If she had any kind of mercy, she'd have sent him packing a long time ago. Just told him anything, any lie. Whatever it took to make him believe he wasn't wanted or needed here. Right off the top of her head, she could think of at least three stories that would work.

A sudden tightness formed in her chest, like her heart had grabbed a handful of her shirt and was pulling her in. Sending Castle away would be the right thing to do. He had a daughter, and a mother and millions of other people who loved him. He needed to stay safe, for their sakes. It wasn't right to keep him hanging on. Not for something she knew was never going to happen.

She'd end this, eventually. She would. When she was ready. She just…wasn't ready yet.

Besides, it was a good thing she'd kept him around. If he hadn't been there the other day to stop Lockwood…

God, what if he hadn't been there?

She didn't want to think about how close she'd come. Castle had saved her. That was what mattered. Truthfully, she had no idea he had it in him. That beatdown he'd given Lockwood… Kate shook her head. Castle hadn't needed her help at all. But it was a good thing she'd gotten to him when she did. Five more seconds, and he'd have torn the guy's throat out.

That sure had been something.

Kate became aware she was wearing a bemused expression. Subtly, she shifted her eyes to see if anyone had caught her. The Captain was on the phone. Ryan's face was glued to his monitor. Esposito was nowhere to be seen. She looked back at the visitor logs.

Dammit, she could have blown it just then. She carefully donned her stoic façade and tried to pretend she was getting some work done.

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><p><em>Author's Note: So this is the first fic I've written since my daughter was born. It's proving a lot harder than I thought to find time to write, but stick with me... I promise your patience will be rewarded with delicious, lemony-flavored goodness. ;)<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Title: Waking the Dragon, Chapter Two_

_Pairing: Castle/Beckett_

_Rating: M (for later chapters)_

_Spoilers: 3X13 Knockdown_

_Disclaimer: Castle, its characters, and all related content are the property of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended. Only hotness._

_Summary:_ That kiss...it changed things. Castle doesn't know if he can go back to the way things were before.__

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Rick wasn't the type to slam things around, but he couldn't deny he was thinking about it. Instead he settled for packing the espresso extra-tight with the tamper. What a great tool. A tamper. He hefted its weight in his hand. Sometimes things just needed to be tamped.

Esposito entered the break room then. Rick straightened and resumed packing the scoop.

"Hey Castle. Got enough there for me?"

"Sure." He set up two cups. "Hope you like it strong."

"Like I like my women."

Rick tried to smile for Esposito, but it wasn't working out. There was a noticeable silence while he started the machine and poured the milk. He didn't have to look to know Esposito was sizing him up.

"You alright man?"

"Fine." Not the most convincing assurance he'd ever given. He hadn't meant to sound so annoyed. He wasn't. At least, not at Esposito.

"Here, I'll do that part." Esposito took the milk from him and brought it over to the steam wand. The loud noise made talking impossible, but Rick didn't mind. He stared out the break room window. Kate was hard at work, studying something on her desk with her forehead propped against her fingers. At least one of them could focus.

"She's a tough nut to crack, huh?"

He gave a surprised glance to Esposito. So busted. "The toughest."

The cop smirked at him, stirring milk into his coffee, then passing the container to Rick. "You ever wonder why it is Beckett doesn't let people in?"

_Only every second of every day._ "No, not really. I mean, sometimes."

Esposito raised an eyebrow. Rick really was not good at this nonchalance thing.

"Look, bro. I see how you look at her. Whenever she leaves the room, it's like a part of you checks out. I been there. I know." He sipped his coffee.

He didn't know whether to feel defensive, or dejected, or…relieved.

"You'd pretty much do anything for her, right? You'd never hurt her."

There was no use denying it. "Of course." Just uttering those two little words somehow made his shoulders feel lighter.

"Right. See, I know that. You know that. But she," –he pointed at Kate—"She doesn't know that."

Rick turned to him, aghast. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean? Do I got to spell it out for you?"

"You think Beckett doesn't trust me? No. There's no way."

"Hey, look at it like this. Beckett has to put on a major front to do this job. You've seen how defensive she gets about being a female cop. Did you ever think all her toughness was just for show?"

No, he hadn't. She was made of adamantium, he was sure of it. Esposito must be thinking of somebody else. Not Kate. Even if Rick could do something to hurt her, which he never would, there was no way he even had the power. She'd squish him like a tomato.

But, he supposed, she did tend to keep people at arm's length. What was with that? He'd always assumed she just liked to keep work separate from her personal life, but maybe he'd misread her. It stung a bit to think that he might have, but it wasn't inconceivable. Maybe she really did have a hard time with trust.

It would explain a lot. Like how harshly she'd punished him when he'd gone away with Gina. When he hadn't called her. Or why she gave him so much grief over his parties and groupies. She still thought he was a millionaire playboy. Hadn't she noticed he hadn't done that stuff in a while?

Of course she hadn't. He'd done nothing but tease her and make innuendo ever since they met. Every time things started to get even a tiny bit serious. He couldn't help it. She was just so…steely. He couldn't risk having her find out what a big sap he was. All that time, he thought he was being charming. Without even realizing it, he'd been pushing her away.

Irony. What a bitch.

As they watched her, Kate stood and turned towards the break room. Rick's pulse accelerated.

"See ya, Castle." Esposito slapped him on the back and turned to leave. "Morning, Beckett," he said as he passed her.

"Esposito," she replied.

Leaving him alone with Kate. Rick didn't know if he wanted to thrash the guy, or buy him a beer.

On her way to the espresso machine, Kate glanced at him, so quickly he nearly missed it. She chose a cup and set up the machine with graceful and deliberate movements. Intentionally ignoring him. When she emptied his used grounds without her usual protests, he knew.

Why had she even come in here? Yes, he was well aware that she could, and would, ignore any degree of tension between them. She was an impenetrable fortress that he'd never be able to scale. Did she feel like she had to prove it? It was like…

_Of course._

A sudden realization came over him, like one of his epiphanies when he solved a crime. Except this time, it crushed him.

It was like she was trying to tell him something.

_Get over it, Castle. Move on._

Her body language shouted it loud and clear. Her walls were closed to him. Why hadn't he ever seen it before? Why hadn't he ever heard what she was trying to tell him? Was it arrogance, or just good old-fashioned denial?

It took conscious effort to inhale. His chest felt compressed. "Kate." It was nearly a whisper.

She didn't turn. "What is it, Castle?" Her voice was unreadable.

He didn't know what to say. He just knew he needed to say something, fill the void in the room with sound.

_Talk to me, Kate._

_I'd never hurt you._

_As long as I live, I think I'll never stop being in love with you._

"I…think I'm going to sit this one out." Rick didn't know where that had come from, but once it was out, it felt right. He'd probably been weighing her down. He needed some time. He needed to pull himself together. He'd be fine. He'd be back. Maybe. Would there be any point?

She fidgeted with the button on the espresso machine, tracing its shape with her thumbnail, brushing the pads of her fingers over its chrome surface. So unlike her to exhibit such an unselfconscious action.

He stepped more closely behind her. He wanted to put his hands on her shoulders. It wouldn't be out of line; he'd done more than that in the past. He'd hugged her, held her hand…

Kissed her.

He lifted his hands, fighting a war within himself. It was such a simple touch. Why was he hesitating? His fingers brushed the washed silk of her blouse, felt her body heat radiating through the thin fabric. Slowly, he cupped her shoulders, memorizing every dip and curve of bone and muscle.

Kate's hand stilled against the coffee maker. "Why?" she whispered.

He gently squeezed her. She was letting him. She wasn't trying to put up walls. A little part of him dared to hope. "I need to…step away."

Kate's heart thundered. Castle was so close behind her, smelling of leather and some subtly applied cologne. The heat of his body was like a gravitational pull. How easy it would be to let herself drift backwards, until she made contact with his broad chest.

God, she was considering it. What was happening? Why wasn't he making some crass joke?

She had to do something. In an instant, she inhaled and pivoted to face him, stepping back to put some space between them. "Of course, Castle." Her voice was sharp, perhaps a little louder than she meant to be. He dropped his hands back down to his sides. "Sometimes I forget you're not as used to the action as I am. I haven't even thought about how much the Lockwood case would have affected you."

Rick drew his lips into a line. "Yeah." He looked away briefly, like he wanted to shake his head in disbelief. "I just need some time. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon."

She wondered if he knew he was scowling. She wasn't used to seeing him like that. There was no hint of boyishness. His hair was ruffled, like he'd been raking a hand through it. "You know, if you want, I'm sure the Captain wouldn't mind if you wanted to talk to the Department's counselor. He's got experience treating cops, knows what kind of issues we face."

"Thanks, I've got a guy."

She turned her face away. The ruse had sounded pathetic, even to her. "Of course you do."

Rick just looked at her, like he would look at someone he pitied. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "When do you think you'll be back?"

He drew a long breath, and exhaled. "That's hard to say."

She waited for him to say more, but he didn't. She had to get out of here. She had to get away from him, before she got weak. "Well, I'll call you," she offered.

"It's a deal." He extended a hand, giving her a melancholy smile.

She knew if she touched him now, bad things would happen to her. Things she couldn't control. She racked her brain for an escape plan, but came up empty. There was no way around it. She held her breath, and lifted her hand.

The handshake only lasted a split second, but she felt the warmth of his skin long after he'd left the 12th.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Follow me on twitter sciphile for status reports and thoughts on writing.<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Title: Waking the Dragon_

_Pairing: Castle/Beckett_

_Rating: M (for later chapters)_

_Spoilers: 3X13 Knockdown_

_Disclaimer: Castle, its characters, and all related content are the property of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended. Only hotness._

_Summary: Sometimes, the loneliness gets too heavy to bear, and there's nothing Kate Beckett's soul desires more than a friend._

_Author's Note: I'm totally pantsing this one so where it goes is as much a surprise to me as it is to you. Drop me a review to let me know what you think._

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

It started raining the day Castle left, and it hadn't stopped. Like she did every night, Kate travelled alone to her empty apartment, traded slacks for pajamas, and picked over a bowl of chow fun by the light of the TV. She tried not to think about what Castle was doing. She tried not to think about anything. Josh was due back from Africa in a couple of days. If she could just make it that long, she'd have something to distract her.

How sad that was. When she wasn't investigating a murder or listening to Josh rattle on about saving the world, she was a vacant, late-night-rerun-watching shell. No friends. None that she could call on a weeknight just to chat. But that was the problem with her line of work. Maintaining friendships required time. There was so much to sort out in the world...so much senseless loss... Her time was well spoken for.

Besides, who could she relate to, after what she saw every day? Was she supposed to gossip with other women about guys at the gym after she'd just seen the body of a nineteen-year-old girl, strangled in her bed? Who, besides another cop, would care that she'd nearly lost her gun today in a tussle with a doped-up suspect?

Certainly not Josh. Interacting with him was like an office party. Always putting on her best face, no one talked about anything messy, anything too personal. Even in bed, it felt like an act.

There was no one. She was alone.

She looked at her phone for the fifth time tonight.

He'd probably be in bed by now. Maybe he even had company.

Good…she hoped he did. It'd be good for him. Just some mindless, cathartic sex. Maybe that'd help him to get over her, to stop waiting for her. It'd be about time.

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><p>Rick flipped through the channels again, not stopping on any one station long enough to find out if he was interested. By now, he'd adapted to the hollow feeling in his chest. He couldn't quite tune it out, but at least he could live with it. What he couldn't live with was the insomnia. With the extra time spent not sleeping, he should have been getting a lot of writing done, but there was no chance of that. He couldn't even drum up the ambition to shave. He'd done little for the last three days except weigh down the cushions on his sofa, wrapped in a tangled blanket, getting up to eat or to do his necessaries only when he couldn't put it off any longer.<p>

He felt like he'd been through a painful breakup, without even the comfort of being able to call it that. There was no hope of closure. Kate held all the cards, and she certainly had no incentive to help him out.

At least Alexis and his mother had gone to bed. He dreaded their concern. He just wanted to be left alone, but their tiptoeing around him, exchanging sad faces with each other when they thought he couldn't see was even worse than bombarding him with questions and well-intentioned advice.

His phone buzzed. Rick looked over at it, his finger frozen on the channel button. It was after eleven. Nothing good ever came from phone calls after eleven PM. Alexis and his mother were accounted for. That meant...

He dove for the phone. Her name glowed on the screen, tall stark letters against black. There was only one reason she'd be calling him. He didn't know how to feel. Was he ready to see her, to deal with the pain? He pushed the accept button and brought the phone to his ear. "Another case? Already?"

"Uh…ah, no. Not exactly." Her voice sounded different, more hushed.

It took him a second to put his finger on it, to identify the change. It was Off-Duty Kate. He didn't get to speak to her very often. "Is everything alright, Beckett?"

The phone line was silent. Rick had been about to check if he'd dropped her call when she finally spoke. "You're not in the middle of anything, are you?"

What would he be in the middle of? It was late on a Thursday night. She'd caught him at home, awake, alone…

_Oh_.

He pressed his fist against his forehead. "No, Beckett, no. I'm not in the middle of anything. I just…I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah," she said. "Me neither."

"What's going on?" He was getting concerned now. She hadn't exactly answered his question before.

"Uh, nothing really, I just…" She paused. Rick could feel her hunting for words. "I just wondered what you've been up to. How are things?"

Rick blinked a few times. Had she called just…to talk? "I…uh, I'm fine. I'm great. Yeah. The time off is…great, you know. Getting so much done."

She hesitated. Only a fraction of a second, but he noticed. "That's great, Castle," she mused.

"What about you? How goes the case?"

"Not good, actually. The trail's getting a little cold. I'm just going around in circles with that landlord. I swear she knows something, but I'll be damned if I can get her to talk."

"That's too bad." He was still struggling with his bewilderment over her call. Was she just lonely? He knew better than to ask directly. It was almost too much to hope for that she'd turn to him in such a moment. "Where's Josh?"

"Probably just waking up right about now."

Still in Africa. And she needed someone now. What a jackass. To let a woman like Kate spend even one lonely night. If Rick had her…

His throat closed off, but he swallowed past it.

But he didn't have her, and he had to get it through his head that she wasn't interested. He felt like it had finally started to sink in over the past couple of days, and here she was, making him wish, stringing him along.

_Just take what you can get, idiot._

Sadly, she could probably lead him around wherever she liked and he'd eagerly follow, even if it meant tumbling over a cliff. Sometimes he thought she was deliberately taking him there. He sank back into the sofa cushions. "It must be hard, being apart for so long." He nearly gagged on the words.

"I suppose."

He heard movement on the other end of the line. She was getting more comfortable, maybe. Oh God, was she lying in her bed? He gulped, his mouth suddenly gone dry. "What do you mean? Don't you miss him?"

"Oh… Well, I suppose. It's just, uh… It's not really like that."

"Not really like what?"

"Like, you know…missing each other, longing for each other. It's not like we gaze lovingly into each other's eyes or anything like that."

The guy was a jackass. "Why not?"

He'd meant it as a challenge. She didn't answer right away, like his question had caught her off-guard. He feared maybe he'd pushed too hard and she was about to clam up. "Well, I don't know. I guess we just don't feel that way about each other. Things are…respectful."

He had the distinct impression she almost said "professional." He laid his head back and closed his eyes. She could do so much better. All she had to do was reach out and take it, but he knew now she was too afraid. Having something real meant opening yourself. Maybe she and Josh were perfect for each other after all. "Is that enough for you?"

When she spoke, her voice had grown softer. "I think, sometimes, maybe. It's easier."

What was this..honesty? He didn't know what he'd expected from her. Evasion, maybe. A safe answer. "And then other times?"

He heard her smile. "And then other times…I guess… it's not."

He couldn't believe she was really telling him these things. He desperately wanted to keep digging, but he knew even the slightest misstep could backfire.

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><p>Kate couldn't believe she was telling him these things. Why had she even called him? From the moment she'd dialed the phone, she'd questioned her sanity. She'd just…needed to hear someone's voice. Now here they were, deep in conversation, and he hadn't made one stupid joke. Not one. He was supposed to be bringing her back to her senses. Didn't he know he was falling down on the job? She smoothed her hands over her legs, flattening out the creases in her pajama bottoms. "So, um, how's Alexis?"<p>

He cleared this throat. "Alexis? She's fine. She's concerned for me. I mean about how I haven't been going in to the precinct this week."

"What did you tell her?" Kate tried to uncoil the knot in her stomach, now that the topic of conversation was back on Castle's personal life. She was fine talking about him. She could talk about him until he begged her to shut up, but she couldn't take being the focus of his attention, his intoxicating charm. It addled her mind.

"Just that I…needed to take a break, for a while."

"That's all? Well no wonder she's concerned, Castle. You need to give her a little more information than that. Did you tell her about Lockwood?"

Castle didn't answer right away, and when he did his voice was grave. "No, I didn't tell her about Lockwood."

She heard his unspoken words, as surely as if they'd spilled from his mouth. _You know damn well it doesn't have anything to do with Lockwood, Kate._ She closed her eyes. Her cover story wasn't fooling anyone. All of a sudden it just felt so stupid. Childish. She was a grown woman, and he was a grown…well, man, most of the time. Would it be so terrible if she acknowledged what hung between them? Would it change anything? "Castle, I…" She stammered, feeling around in the dark for some string of words. It was like a hidden wall was blocking them. "I…miss you. Back at the precinct." Her heart was hammering. She tried to catch her breath, without breathing into the phone.

"I miss you too, Kate." His voice had taken on a smoky tone.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait until the next case to call you. I know you said you needed time."

He sighed, sounding like he was rubbing his face or his forehead. "Time doesn't seem to be helping."

Was he really suffering so much? "What would help?"

"I don't know. Talking to you seems to be."

He needed _her_. Just to be near her. She thought that was she'd given him for the last two and a half years. But no, now that she thought about that, she hadn't. She'd always kept him out. She thought about her reason for calling him tonight. Could he be longing for the same thing she was?

It was a long shot. But, kind of a revolutionary idea. Terrifying… risky...but, it just might work. "Maybe we could try…being friends."

When he hesitated, she started questioning herself. Perhaps the fatigue had finally gotten to her.

"Are you serious?" he finally said.

"Well, you don't have to, if you don't want to. It was just an idea…"

"No, it's… When do we start?"

She blew off the seed of excitement that sparked to life within her. She was probably just looking at the possibility of having someone to talk to, and feeling some understandable…enthusiasm. It didn't mean anything. "How about tomorrow."

"I could come get you at the station and we could grab a bite."

"Oh God no." That had sounded harsher than she meant it. "I just mean, don't pick me up at the station. Ryan and Esposito would totally get the wrong idea and run with it. I'll just meet you."

"Okay, great. Give me a call when you're free."

"Okay, Castle." She realized then she was grinning. _Oh for Pete's sake._ She rolled her eyes. "Well, I think I'm going to try and get some sleep." What had she just agreed to?

"Goodnight, Kate."

Did he have to sound so damned pleased? "Goodnight, Castle."

After he pushed the red button, Rick stared at his phone for a long time. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but all he needed to know was that Kate Beckett had just offered him the tiniest grain of hope. An invitation into her life, if he didn't blow it. His mind raced with possibilities. There was no way he was sleeping now. At least his heart didn't ache anymore.

While he was up, he might as well get in a shower.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to your story alerts so far. You seriously make my world turn!<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**_Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is not intended to replace or copy ABC's Castle or to divert income from its creators. I do this for free._**

**_A/N: I spent entirely too much time researching Ferraris for this. And beer._**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

Terror struck at half-past-eight.

The mounds of reports and paperwork on Kate's desk suddenly looked vitally important. So they'd been piling up for the last three weeks. She'd been busy…investigating. But dodging work to go spend time alone with Castle in a totally non-professional capacity? Unacceptable.

She took out her phone to fire off a quick text.

_doesn't look like I'll make it out of here any time soon. reschedule?_

Her heart calmed a little. She thumbed through the stack of forms, logs, affadavits and reports, trying to decide where to start. Might as well start at the top. She peeled off the first document. A daily activity log. Her favorite.

Her phone chimed with an incoming text. Castle, of course.

_Why, what's going on?_

_Just still have so much ppwk to finish before I can get out of here._

_Paperwork can wait. _

_Castle, these reports aren't going to do themselves._

_Oh no, Beckett. Don't do that. Don't put me off._

Not even friends, officially, for more than twenty-four hours and he was already calling her on her bullshit.

_Not going to argue with you over txt._

She put the phone down and rested her head in her hand. She knew she was leaving him hanging. He'd get over it. She took up her pen, and started filling in blanks.

Time passed. She didn't know how much. A rap on her desk startled her out of her concentration.

She looked up, and her heart did flip-flops. Castle stood there, glaring down at her. "Castle, what the hell?" He looked very casual, wearing his brown, distressed leather jacket over a hoodie. She tamped down a feeling of pleasure.

"Come on. You're going to put that down and you're going to come out and have a slice. With me. And you're going to relax."

Kate stood up, staring him in the face. "Castle, I don't…"

He snatched the forms out of her hand. "Come on, these'll be here in the morning." He tossed them on her desk and put his hand on her back to direct her towards the elevator.

She gasped a protest and reached for the paperwork he'd stolen, but he deflected her and grabbed her coat. She dropped her shoulders in defeat. Her feet betrayed her, shuffling a little too easily in the direction Castle pulled her. Helplessly, she stepped into the elevator and let Castle push the button. He didn't remove his hand from her back.

"Now Beckett, this is for your own good."

"Are you going to tell me this hurts you as much as it hurts me?"

He took his hand away then. She waited for his witty retort, but none came. She looked over at him to find his face contorted in what looked like anguish, his fist clenching in midair.

"Come on, Castle, no spanking jokes? I set it up for you so perfectly."

"You so did." He released a gush of breath. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to resist that kind of temptation?"

Ordinarily, she'd be grateful for such restraint. She wasn't sure she could withstand the new Castle. He wasn't giving her anything to hide behind. "Why fight it?"

It a was risky question, she knew. With all that remained unsaid between them, she shouldn't be giving him any openings, anything that could expose their silent understanding to the light of day. But she supposed it wasn't the first time she'd flirted with that. That day in her apartment, when she'd asked him, point-blank, why he kept coming around. She didn't know why she'd done it, really, or what she'd expected him to say. Her heart had been racing, much as it was now. She supposed she'd wanted to pick a fight. If Castle had said one word about his "feelings" for her, whatever he thought they were, she'd have kicked his ass.

"I get the feeling you don't always appreciate my humor."

Not exactly accurate. "I enjoy your humor, Castle, it's just sometimes, your timing…" How did he always manage to get her confessing things?

"Humor is timing."

She smiled. "True."

The elevator reached ground level. Castle held his hand in the door while she stepped out.

"I'm parked down the street."

It was all so date-like. Castle holding the door for her, picking her up in his car. She felt herself growing shy and had to remind herself they were just a couple of friends, grabbing a bite after work. What did friends usually talk about? Everything she could think to say sounded like get-to-know-you date talk. She fretted about it all the way to his car. He opened her door without a word. She grimaced, feeling like she should clarify things. But he just looked so relaxed and…normal, like he did this every day. She told herself she was making a big deal out of nothing, and got in the car.

What a piece of machinery. Ferrari F430 Spider. She stroked the dashboard. It looked like the interior of a fighter jet. Not that she knew what the interior of a fighter jet looked like, but it had to be something like this. The bucket seat enveloped her with the softest leather she'd ever felt inside a car. When Castle got in and started the engine, the image was somewhat incongruous. This casually-dressed man in such a fine automobile. "Castle, this car is…incredible."

"Okay, if we're going to be friends, you're going to have to call me Rick."

"Rick." She tested the sound of the words. "Rick. Rick Rick Rick Rick Rick."

"Stop, you're making it sound funny."

"It _feels_ funny, Rick."

He glared at her as if to say, "_Knock it off, or I'll hurt you_."

She laughed. "So where do you want to go?"

"I figured we'd chill out over at Chez Castle, have a few brewskis, maybe catch the Knicks game."

"Already trying to get me back to your pad, eh?"

He looked at her sardonically. "If you hadn't already been there dozens of times, there might be something shady about it."

Kate relaxed. Silly banter helped. She felt more at home, like this was the Castle she knew. The one she was comfortable with. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"Besides, we'll have two chaperones."

Martha and Alexis. Who were of course going to automatically assume they were on a date. Somehow that didn't really bother her…not as much as Ryan or Esposito or, heaven forbid, the Captain jumping to that conclusion.

They sat in relative silence for the rest of the ride. She allowed Castle peace while he navigated the cutthroat Manhattan traffic.

It was new for them, him driving her. She almost always drove. Every now and then she stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He was an incredibly handsome man. The amber lights from the dash cast a magical glow over the interior of the car. It suited him well. Sitting in the passenger seat, letting Castle take her wherever he would, she felt feminine. Soft. She thought she liked it.

Rick loved having Kate in his passenger seat. He wanted to show her he could be the man in this duo. He'd been trying, in his own way, ever since they met, but most of the time she never let him. She was letting him now though. She'd succumbed rather easily back there at the 12th, he thought. He'd expected more of a fight. Maybe she was going to let him in a little. Maybe just changing the status of their relationship, from partners to friends, was all she needed to relax her guard. Could it have been that simple this whole time? If he'd known that, he would have stopped running cases with her ages ago.

They arrived at his building. He drove the Ferrari up the levels of the parking structure to his spot by the elevator. She let herself out and he followed. They boarded the elevator and he pushed the button for his floor. "I hope you don't mind pizza."

"I'm easy."

_Pshaw, I wish._ He bit his lower lip so hard it stung.

"Go ahead, Castle. I keep lobbing you these softballs and you're just letting 'em fall."

While he couldn't deny he loved her teasing, he couldn't help wondering if it was a defense mechanism. Did she really wanted him to crack wiseass jokes at her expense? He turned around to ask her, his pulse picking up speed, but the elevator stopped and the door opened, and the moment seemed lost. He flourished with his hand. "Your floor, milady."

As she stepped out into the hall, he placed his hand on her lower back and led her to his door, hoping it just came across as a gesture, not the stolen touch it was.

He opened the door. She smiled gently as she passed, and his heart stuttered. God she was so beautiful.

Alexis was sitting on the sofa and turned to see them enter. "Detective Beckett!" She looked surprised, and happy, and rushed to the door to meet them. "Dad," she glanced back and forth between the two of them, "Did you go back to working together?"

Oh, touchy…he probably should have briefed her a little before he brought Kate back here. He just didn't want to deal with all the questions, and concern, and advice… "Not exactly. We're just gonna hang out, watch the tube. You know, like buds." He widened his eyes at Alexis so Kate couldn't see.

Her eyebrows twitched in that way that said she was confused, but got that she wasn't supposed to let on she was confused. "Oh…uh, great! I'll just, uh, go up to my room."

Kate put out her hand. "No, stay. I want to hear all about what's going on with you."

Alexis shot a glance his way. Only he could see the panic behind her eyes. "Oh, I'd love to catch up, but I've got a lot of homework to...catch up on anyway. I'll probably just go to bed after that. We should totally, um, catch up though. Maybe we could get coffee sometime."

"Yeah, I'd love that."

Alexis beamed. "Okay, I'll text you. See you guys. Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad." She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

He breathed a sigh of relief and squeezed her upper arm. "Goodnight, sweetie."

After she was gone, Rick slid his jacket off and hung it in the closet. "What're you drinking?" He headed towards the kitchen.

"Just a beer is fine." He heard her slowly meander in from the entryway.

"Make yourself at home."

He expected her to head in to the living room but she sat at the bar instead, looking a little awkward.

"Domestic, or microbrew?"

"Just don't give me anything you could stand a spoon in."

"No Brooklyn Black Chocolate Double Stout for you." He set a bottle of pale ale on the counter for each of them and fished a bottle opener out of the drawer.

Kate snaked her hand out and drew the bottle back, bringing it to her lips. The way she drank from it was so…sensuous. There he was, staring at her lips again. She stared right back at him, not even batting an eye. He was the first to flinch. "So do the boys miss me?"

"Are you kidding?" She rolled her eyes dramatically. "You'd think they lost their favorite puppy."

He smiled. "Aw, it's good to be loved."

"Let me know when the three of you will be away on your honeymoon."

"You think they'd like Cabo?"

Kate laughed her sexy, flirty laugh. Did she even realize she was flirting? Suddenly the beer seemed to be affecting him a little more than it should. A hot feeling coursed through him.

Kate must have noticed the change in him. She averted her eyes.

"So, how about those Knicks?"

She seemed grateful for the change in subject. She put her hands on the bar and pushed away. "Yeah, they should be tipping off soon, you think?"

He didn't really want to watch basketball, but it would give them something else to focus on. Something besides each other.

"Come on." He stepped out from behind the bar and led her into the living room. "Have a seat." He flipped on the TV for her and turned it to the right channel. "I'll order pizza. Pepperoni and mushrooms alright with you?"

"Fine." She sat on his sofa, looking stiff. This was never going to work out.

Who was he kidding? He looked at her long, well-formed legs encased in those slacks, and her hair cascading in soft curls over her shoulders. If he wanted her to trust him, to let him in, maybe he should stop lusting after her with every glance. He tore his eyes away and dialed the number for his regular pizza place.

When he came back, Kate looked much more comfortable, slouched on the sofa absorbed in the game. She started when she saw him and started to straighten up.

"No, no, don't do that. Just relax."

"Sorry, it's hard. I'm just not used to this."

"Here, try one of these." He picked up a small, fabric-covered box from the coffee table and handed it to her as he stepped over her feet and sat beside her on the sofa.

"What are they? Oh!" The look on her face was worth crawling over carpets of broken glass for. "Chocolate."

He propped his elbow on the back of the sofa so he could face her. "Not just any chocolate, my dear. Those are some of the finest candies in the world, made right here in New York City."

"Chocolate isn't _candy_, Castle."

"Uh, it's not?"

"No. It's a food group."

He let out a loud laugh. "I had no idea you were such a devotee."

"See, learning things about me already." She glanced at him, grinning conspiratorially.

"They're flavored with liqueur. Try the dark one with the straight lines."

She complied, lifting the truffle from the box with delicate fingers, bringing it reverently to her lips.

Rick's mouth opened as he watched her. He wanted to be that truffle.

"Mmm…Chambord."

He smiled and nodded at her. "Uh huh. Amazing, right?"

"Oh my god, this is so good. Castle, you've been holding out."

"So we're back to Castle already?"

She looked chagrined, and lifted her hand to her mouth. She swallowed a mouthful of chocolate. "I'm sorry," she said. "It'll take me some time, I guess."

He looked at her. She could have his whole life to practice saying his name if she wanted it.

She must have seen something in his eyes. She became very serious, and looked away, setting her half-eaten truffle on the table. "Rick…" She met his eyes.

A jolt of something, maybe panic, twitched in his belly.

Her mouth opened and closed.

"What is it, Kate?"

She expelled a breath and took in another one. A deep one. "I, um…could I…have something else to drink? Beer doesn't really go with chocolate."

When he remembered to breathe, he realized he could see her pulse hammering in her throat. She'd almost said something pretty intense. Had she been on the verge of confessing something? Her feelings, perhaps? Normally he'd smack himself in the forehead for that kind of wishful thinking. But first he had to stop wishing.

"What would you like instead?" He became keenly aware of how close they were sitting. He could reach out his hand, if he wanted to, and touch her thigh without even leaning over.

"I don't know." She shifted on the sofa. "What does pair well with chocolate?"

He didn't want to get into the particulars with her of what beers actually do pair well with chocolate, or which of those he might have in his kitchen at this very moment. That really wasn't what this was about. "How about a glass of Cabernet?"

"Sure, that sounds nice."

"I'll be right back."

Kate tried to get her composure while Rick was away. What on Earth had possessed her to agree to wine? Wine turned her into a nympho. That was the last thing she needed. Her bones already felt a little wobbly, just being alone with him, sitting on his sofa with him so close, so…attentive. She couldn't believe she'd almost laid it out on the table. Their attraction to each other. What had she been thinking? She hadn't, clearly. But she'd stopped herself, thank god.

Not before he'd seen through her though. She wondered what she must look like to him. She'd spent so much time trying to convince him she was superwoman, and here she was, looking like an idiot.

Rick returned with a bottle and two glasses. Two glasses? Her mouth dropped open. Now this was a little too much. "Rick, I…"

"Now, I don't want to hear a word. You think I'm going to let you drink this whole bottle by yourself? This is some quality stuff, Detective."

She snapped her jaw shut and let him pour. And pour…and pour… "Whoa! That's enough. Believe me, that's enough."

"Don't tell me, wine turns you into a sloppy drunk?"

"Something like that."

He raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like a story."

"A story I will never, ever tell you. Not in a million years."

"Aw, I'm hurt. And here I thought we were going to be friends." He stuck out his lower lip in a mock pout.

"Not buying it, Castle." She brought her wine glass to her lips and looked up in the air, to the side, anywhere that wasn't at him.

"Rick."

She winced. "Damn."

"A few more of these friendly get-togethers, and I'll have you whipped into shape, I think."

She grinned sheepishly. "Sounds like a deal."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is not intended to replace or copy ABC's Castle or to divert income from its creators. I do this for free.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

Two minutes left in the fourth quarter. Stoudemire had just made a mind-blowing three pointer that tied the game at 99. Rick and Kate were both perched on the edge of the sofa, grasping each other by the forearm. They'd nearly polished off their second bottle of Cab.

"Go, Douglas, no, you idiot!"

"Oh my God, did you see that?"

The Pistons stole the ball and plowed through the defense to land a two-point shot. Kate and Rick groaned in unison, but were quickly chanting and cheering again when the Knicks had the ball back on home court. Anthony passed to Stoudemire…Stoudemire passed to Jeffries…Jeffries feinted right, shot…scored!

Rick and Kate shot to their feet. Tied again, 50 seconds left. The Pistons took the ball down the court. Wilcox shot. Douglas deflected! The Knicks had the ball again! They were going to win!

"Come on, shoot!"

"We're going to make it!" Rick raised his fists in the air.

"Oh my God this is the best game ever!"

Rick glanced at Kate. She was right about that. He didn't think he'd ever enjoyed a sporting event more.

She looked at him then, and for a moment, neither of them looked away. He was the first to break contact. He had to be careful. The wine had muddled the edges of their tense new friendship. His hands had been finding excuses to touch her all night. Now he was on his fourth glass of wine—his last, he'd told himself—and his control over his wandering hands was thin.

Douglas ran the ball up the court right into a wall of the Pistons' defense. He struggled for an agonizing instant to find an open man. The clock was counting down. 6…5… Finally he passed to Stoudemire, who plucked the ball out of the air like his hands were covered in glue. Stoudemire shot…

"Yessss!"

Kate thrust her arms over her head. "We won!"

People spilled onto the court to celebrate the Knicks victory while the forgotten clock counted down the final two seconds of the game. Rick turned to Kate and clasped her in a celebratory bear hug. She was right there to meet him, laughing and cheering. She was a little wobbly on her feet. Rick braced his arms around her ribs to keep her standing.

It should have been a quick, impulsive moment. But the reality of their position slowly began to penetrate through to his wine-soaked mind. The full length of their bodies pressed against each other. His smile faded. He didn't let her go. He splayed his hand over her back, and trailed down, to the small of her waist. His pulse quickened.

Slowly, he drew back, so he could see her face. He watched her glance from his eyes to his mouth, and back, and he knew. He was going to kiss her. Heat pooled in the pit of his stomach. God, he'd wanted it for so long. Was it really going to happen?

Kate's body softened and melted into his. He didn't take his eyes off her face. He wanted to watch her. He needed to know.

He brought his mouth closer. She was going to let him…she wanted him…

Just before their lips touched, she shifted her face just barely, so that he met her jaw.

He panted with frustrated passion.

"No, Rick. We can't."

But she wasn't pulling away. Her body stayed securely nestled against his, her hands hanging loosely on his arms. Could she feel what she was doing to him? He hoped so. He wanted her to feel his body—all of him.

He caressed her back. Of their own volition, his lips drifted towards the curve of her neck. He didn't try to stop himself. He just wanted. The first contact with her skin stunned him. He froze with the shock of feeling her velvet under his lips. He'd barely brushed them against her, but they were both bellowing for breath. His hand ran up her back to cup the nape of her neck. Her breath was so shaky. She made no motion to put distance between them or stop him. If anything, she was pulling him closer, ever-so-slightly.

He ran his lips up to nuzzle her earlobe, bumping it with his nose, then back down to her throat. She whimpered, and he nearly lost his composure. He grasped her and descended his full open mouth upon her throat.

_Yes…_

Kate dipped at the knees, and he held her up, tasting her with his tongue. He felt like he was in a dream. He'd certainly dreamed about this enough times, both asleep and awake. He kissed up her neck, to her jaw, in a series of rough kisses. His hand was in her hair now. He felt himself growing frantic. The intensity of his arousal wrung a groan from his throat.

"Oh God, Rick…"

It was his name she was saying. It was him she wanted. She was writhing against him, alternately squeezing and pushing against his arms and chest. He kissed up her jaw, and before he realized it, they'd found each other's lips, wet, soft. Little whimpers escaped her. The hand that was on her back found its way downwards to the rise of her backside. God, he couldn't believe he was touching her there. He couldn't believe they were kissing each other, finally.

He slipped his tongue against hers in a desperate attempt to taste as much of her as possible. Dimly he noticed her exerting pressure against his shoulders, even as she met his kiss. He tore his lips away, and looked at her quizzically. Her face looked to be in agony. She braced her arms against him and turned her face away.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"We can't do this. I can't. I have a boyfriend, Castle."

The mention of her other man stabbed him with jealousy. It cooled his blood somewhat. He loosened his arms, but didn't release her. "Does he make you feel like this, Kate?" He knew that as far as he was concerned, this was pretty untouchable.

"It doesn't matter, Castle." She pushed out of his arms and laid her hands over her face. "Dammit."

He suddenly felt like an evil person. Guilty. But still amazed at how much he'd enjoyed kissing her. She'd come alive for him. He knew it would be like that with her. That first taste in the alley was just a hint. They were made for each other. "It should be me, Kate." He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her close. She didn't resist, but he kept his touch sweet rather than savory. He worried he was pushing her too hard now, but his usual filters were off. Drowned in Cabernet Sauvignon. He wondered how much of this he'd regret in the morning.

Her hands still covering her face, she hid against his shoulder. "I'm already with someone."

He supposed it would be pretty presumptuous to ask her to leave Josh to be with him. She'd see it as taking things too fast. For him they couldn't go fast enough. Not with her. He had his mind made up already when it came to her. "I won't push. But I'm not going anywhere."

She didn't respond. She just stayed leaning against him while he lightly stroked her back.

She was so relaxed in his arms. He marveled at how she felt This was Kate Beckett, finally letting him in, despite herself.

"I need to call a cab," she said. Her words were muddled by her hands.

She was drunk, he knew. But no more than he was. That was probably the thing he would regret most.

"You can crash on my sofa if you like. You know you're more than welcome."

She recoiled. Her hands finally came away from her face, and he could see by the look in her eyes that the evening was finally catching up to her. "Yeah, because that's a good idea."

"I assure you I would be a perfect gentleman."

"It's a little late for that, Rick." Her admonishing tone held no guile, only shared guilt. It successfully made him feel like the lowest person on Earth.

"I'll call a cab for you." He stepped away from her. The look on her face tore him apart. She was beating herself up. And that made him feel even worse. He got his phone and called the cab.

Kate's head was spinning. Both from the wine and from the realization of what they'd done. It wasn't cheating, was it? It was just a kiss. Kisses were harmless…innocent…

God, what a lie.

She didn't even think it was possible for her to get so aroused from so little. The only thing that had shocked her back to her senses was how much more she had wanted to do…how much farther she'd almost let Castle take things.

Castle. Yes, they were back to Castle, dammit. He wasn't allowed to be Rick. Rick was too intimate. Rick was the name equivalent of stripping all his clothes off. She needed his clothes firmly back on. Castle, Castle, Castle.

She'd have to come clean with Josh. This meant no more being friends with Castle. Not if she wanted to save her relationship.

She did want to save it, didn't she? Sure, Josh was like a cardboard cutout. A placeholder. He gave her something to do. But without that…what _would_ she do?

Castle finished calling the cab and walked back over to her. He looked grave. She couldn't deal with that right now. She was on the verge of passing out, was dealing with a mountain of her own guilt over what had just happened, and felt like knocking him to the ground. He had no right to look at her with that concerned, needy expression. They were _not_ in this together. "I have to go, Castle." She turned to leave.

Rick grabbed her wrist, gently pulling her to turn around. "Kate, I'm…"

She waited for his apology. None came. She shook her head, and gently pulled away. "This was a bad idea."

"I disagree." The look on his face made her knees feel like jelly.

She wanted to fall against him. That was the wine talking. He was being so demanding, so…intense. She was melting under the heat. Without another word, she turned the knob and slipped out into the hall.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: This work of fiction is an attempt to honor the writers, actors, and crew members that create ABC's Castle. It is not intended to divert credit or income from them in any way. Here's to you, guys. **_

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

Kate got the call at 4 a.m. A gym owner had turned on the lights to find a body draped over the free weights. She had less than five hours of sleep under her belt, and a wine hangover. Every pop of the forensic camera made her want to vomit. She could almost call this instant karma, if she believed in that kind of thing. Of course it couldn't be a nice, well-maintained gym, one with new carpets and shiny equipment and a café. It had to be a grimy, run-down gym. The kind with a boxing ring in the middle. The kind that smelled of mildew and sweat, and had an inadequate, rattling old furnace that probably hadn't been maintained in years.

Actually, that was a blessing. The January cold penetrating the gym was the only thing keeping the dry heaves at bay.

She'd managed to interview the gym owner without embarrassing herself, and was just jotting down some notes when she heard Esposito approach.

"So, what are you waiting for? Aren't you gonna call in Castle on this one?"

Why did he have to talk so loud? She swallowed the thick feeling in her throat. "Can't wait to see your girlfriend again?"

"No, I just thought you said..."

"Castle and I aren't speaking at the moment." Her pen pressed harder into the note pad.

"Since when?"

Her patience reached an abrupt end. She glared at Esposito and took off her sunglasses, slowly, so he could see for himself what kind of state she was in.

He jumped back and put out his hands. "Whoa, Beckett. You're looking a little green. You want some water or something?"

"No, I just want you to stop talking." She slid her glasses back on and returned to her work.

"So exactly what happened between you and Castle last night?"

Kate set her jaw and turned her eyes skyward.

"Cuz you arrive at a crime scene hung over, then you tell me you and Castle aren't on speaking terms, I'm gonna think those two things are somehow related."

"Just leave it, Esposito." Where was a cold dark room when you needed one?

"Okay, no need to get all bent out of shape." He put his shoulders back and stretched his neck as he turned away. "It's not my fault you let Castle get you drunk."

Damn detectives. Why hadn't she stopped herself from giving him so much to work with? Her normal defenses weren't working as well as usual. Hopefully she hadn't given any indication about exactly what they did after they got drunk together. She tried to go over her interaction with Esposito like she was examining a case. The effort made her brain ache. She pressed her fingers to her temples.

She got an incoming call, and fished her phone out of her coat pocket.

It wasn't a surprise to see Castle's name on the screen. She'd wanted him to call. Not that she wanted to speak to him. She just wanted him to _call_. But he was still getting her voice mail.

By eight, she'd done all she could do at the crime scene. None of the neighboring shopkeepers had been around to see anything. Any surveillance footage in the area was being forwarded to the 12th for analysis. It was time to leave the rest for the techs. Somewhere there was a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich calling her name.

As she was leaving, her phone rang again. "Dammit, Castle." She pulled out her phone to find it was Josh. "Oh." She pushed the green button. "Hi there."

"Hi Kate."

"How are things?"

Josh sighed. "Alright, I suppose. There's so much to be done here."

Kate recognized the strain in his voice. The sound of the world's weight on one's shoulders. It was the one thing, if anything, she and Josh shared. She'd felt it since her mother's death, since she decided to become a cop. The feeling that for every killer she caught, there were three she didn't. The feeling that even bringing murderers to justice didn't make things right. It just wasn't enough. It was never enough. "You're only one person."

"They want me to stay on another week."

Kate stopped short as she reached the car. "Another week?" What was she supposed to do in the meantime? She had to level with him about last night. He deserved to know. They needed to have a serious talk and decide what it meant for them, what to do, if anything. She wasn't going to do that over the phone. It was an in-person kind of thing. And now she had to live with this for a whole extra week? She got in the car and slowly sank into the seat.

"I know. I was looking forward to seeing you, but I can't leave, Kate. I can't. They need me here."

"And what about me?"

He paused. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

It was an afterthought to him, how she might feel. This wasn't a surprise, but in this moment, in the state of mind she was in, the reminder was an annoyance. She supposed she couldn't hold it against him too much. That was what she liked about their relationship, wasn't it? The less they meant to each other, the less complicated things were. "Alright. I guess we'll talk when you get back."

"Well, hopefully before then. I can call you tomorrow night, if you like."

"No, don't worry about it. We'll just talk when you're back in town."

He was stunned into silence. "Oh... Uh, okay, I guess that'll be fine. Kate, are you okay?"

No, she was not okay. She was pissed. Not at Josh, though, and she didn't want to take it out on him. She was just...pissed. "I'm fine." She knew she sounded terse, but she didn't have the patience to soften her tone for him at the moment. Josh was a big boy. He could take care of his own feelings. "I gotta go, okay?"

"Uh...okay. I'll talk to you later, then."

"Okay, bye." She hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond.

She stared out the front window for a long time, watching cops and forensic techs scurry around the entrance to the crime scene, passing in and out like ants in an anthill.

They all seemed to know where they were going, what they wanted, if only in the context of the little task they were pursuing in that moment. Normally, she had that kind of single-minded focus, too. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't sure what she wanted. She had the feeling of being swept up in a current, with no tether to anchor her to anything solid.

She didn't know where she was going. But one thing seemed clear. Wherever it was, it wasn't going to be with Josh.

She looked at her phone. An icon on the screen indicated a new voice mail. She sighed and dropped her hand in her lap. Eventually, she'd have to find out what Castle had to say for himself. She rested her head against the cool glass, watching the scurrying ants for a long time before she finally gave in and dialed up her mailbox.

_"Kate, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about last night. I mean, I'm not sorry, not about what happened, I'm just sorry I pushed so hard. I'm sorry I lost control. I hope you let me make it up to you. I know you have every right to decide you never want to speak to me again. But I really hope you do. Speak to me again, I mean, not decide to not speak to me again. Okay I'm going to end this message before I go any farther off-script. Call me. Please?"_

Kate laughed and rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone. She wanted to stay mad. She needed to, but how was she supposed to maintain a good head of steam when he stumbled all over himself like that? She felt the current trying to sweep her away.

_Dammit, Castle._

* * *

><p>He had really screwed things up this time. There was no recovering from this.<p>

Rick tossed the mini-basketball at the hoop on the bookshelf. Rimshot. Again. He didn't have the energy to retrieve the ball so he just sank further into the lounger and dropped his head to the side. He was never getting up from this spot. What was there to get up for? He nearly had the woman of his dreams, the one he'd waited for for so long, and had blown everything in one shot. What was there to live for now? Kate: gone. Nikki Heat: gone. Any hope of ever being happy again, knowing he ruined the best thing he ever had? Gone.

Alexis appeared in the doorway. She did a double-take when she saw him. "Dad, you look terrible! Are you okay?"

Oh no, not with the concern again. He rolled over on his side to shield himself from it. "I'm fine."

She approached. "Is this about Detective Beckett? I thought you two were good. It looked like everything was fine last night. Did something happen?"

His daughter did not need to be taking care of him. This was not the way things were supposed to be. He sat up straight, rested his arms on his knees, and tried to put on his dad face. "Sit down, sweetie."

She did, looking at him steadily with a worried expression.

"I don't want you to worry about me. This is just a bump in the road. I'll be fine. Detective Beckett and I will work things out and I'll be back to normal in no time." A blatant lie, but she didn't need to know that yet. He'd only left that voice mail five hours ago. It wasn't like Kate to ignore a voice mail, which meant she was extremely busy, or extremely angry. There was still a chance for the former, but he wasn't kidding himself.

"I don't want things to go back to normal."

He blinked his surprise. "Uh, you don't?"

"No, dad. I don't want you doing police work anymore. It's terrifying. I mean, I do adore Detective Beckett, you know that, but can't you just interview her to get ideas for Nikki Heat? Do you have to keep riding along with her?"

Alexis's pleading tone nearly broke his heart. He took her hands in his. "Honey, I had no idea you felt this way."

"I just want you to stay safe, Dad. But I want you to be happy, too. Is there some way you could do both?"

The impossibility of what she was asking made his chest ache. There was no happy without Kate, and no safe with her. He looked at Alexis, his brow furrowed. "I don't know, sweetheart."


	7. Chapter 7

_Title: Waking the Dragon_

_Pairing: Castle/Beckett_

_Rating: M_

_Spoilers: 3X13 Knockdown_

_Disclaimer: Castle, its characters, and all related content are the property of ABC. No copyright infringement is intended. Only hotness._

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

Rick couldn't tell if the lurching feeling in his stomach was nerves or just the motion of the elevator. It was a hail-mary, going in to the 12th. A different man might give Kate her space, give her the time she needed to come around on her own, if she came around at all, but he couldn't afford to do that. He'd been on the wrong side of Kate's cold shoulder before. Plenty of times. He'd have to get in her face if he wanted her to talk to him again.

Hopefully the truffles from Barney's would soften the way.

The elevator doors opened to a familiar sight. His home away from home, everything just like he left it. Ryan had his back to the elevator, but something made the young detective turn his head as Castle stepped out. Ryan's face lit up, and the 12th precinct turned into a slow-motion movie scene, everyone rushing to greet him with handshakes and huge smiles like some sort of returning hero.

He laughed and made small talk, but his sight kept darting over at Kate hunching over her desk. There was no way she'd failed to notice his entrance. Not with this sideshow. After he'd done an acceptable amount of catching up, he politely excused himself and turned in the direction of Kate's desk. The distance seemed to lengthen before his eyes. He felt like he was walking into pit of vipers, but he knew they guarded a priceless pearl. One he'd sought for too long to be cowed. He leaned into his fear, and forced his feet to move.

She didn't look up until he stopped in front of her. He wanted to put his arms up in defense, as if lasers would shoot out of her eyes. But, to his surprise, she looked calm. Not exactly happy to see him, but not angry, either. "Hi Kate."

She leaned back in her chair. Her mild facial expression gave the impression of a smile without actually being one. "Hi Castle."

He had no idea what to say next. He hadn't exactly rehearsed this. He'd been expecting her to lay into him, at which point he planned to grovel shamelessly. That was as far as he'd gotten. "Did you get my voice mail?" He knew it was a stupid question before it even left his mouth.

She squirmed in her chair, then picked up her pen and looked back down at her work. "Yeah, I did."

She did. Of course she did. He'd known she had, but just wasn't returning his call because…she was mad. Wasn't she? At the moment, he didn't know what to think. He sank into the chair beside her. His chair. "Here, I uh, I brought these for you."

He set the box on the desk, avoiding any sudden movements.

She looked at it, and a smile softened her eyes. "Thanks. That was really nice."

_Nice?_ "Uh, do you want to talk?"

Kate winced. "There's nothing to talk about."

Trying to shut him down. So the real Kate _was_ in there somewhere. "Let me rephrase that. I'm going to talk."

"Castle, don't-"

"I wanted to apologize." He glanced around to make sure no one was in earshot. "I was out of line. I hope…" _Just say it, even if you don't mean it. You do want her to be happy, even if it's not with you._ "I hope…I haven't caused any problems between you and Josh."

Kate sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, watching him with her eyebrows drawn. No reaction whatsoever. In that space of a second, self-doubt pressed in on him.

"I'm breaking up with him."

It took Rick a second to register that she had spoken. Her expression hadn't changed at all. "I'm sorry; I thought I just heard you say you're breaking up with Josh."

"Yes." Still the same stoic face.

He just sat there, gaping like an idiot, while he processed what she just told him. Thoughts raced through his mind. Was this on his account? Had he finally turned Kate's head? Should he feel guilty? Because he didn't. "Why?"

She glanced downwards, and took a breath before looking back into his eyes. "Because it's not enough."

All the air seemed to leave the room. It was a direct response to a question he'd asked her days ago. She wanted more. More than what Josh could offer her. Did that mean him? If they weren't in the middle of the 12th, he'd gather her into his arms right now. But they just stared at each other, neither able to look away. "What would be?"

She turned away, wetting her lips. "I don't know, Rick. I don't know what I want right now. I just…" He fought the urge to smooth back the lock of hair over her ear. She took her time looking back up at him, and when she did, the look in her eyes made blood rush to his groin. "I just…want to see."

Rick's mouth fell open once more. Heat smoldered between them as they looked at one another. Kate wanted him. She wanted to give this a chance. The need to hold her became almost unbearable. "When does he get back?"

"A week."

A week? He couldn't make it that long. Not when they were so close. He'd waited a long time for her, but now even one more day seemed impossible. "I want to see you."

She gasped a ragged breath.

"I won't push you, Kate. I just…need to be near you."

She looked away. Her vein was standing out on her forehead. That only happened when she was feeling something very strongly. "Okay."

His heart soared. He felt like pinching himself. He had to get himself under control…they were in the middle of the 12th.

She pushed back in her chair. In a flash, her demeanor changed. She was watching something over his shoulder. He turned to see what it was. A woman had just entered the building. Older, civilian.

Kate stood. "I have to go, Castle. That's the vic's wife."

He didn't want to let her leave. He had the fleeting thought to ask her if he could sit in, but knew immediately how inappropriate that would be. He'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. He let her walk past him, even though he wanted to touch her somehow. "I'll call you."

She glanced at him as she headed towards the front. There was a vulnerability in her eyes he wasn't used to seeing from her, as if she was frightened by the uncertainty of it all. He'd never loved her so much. As she walked out of earshot, he whispered, "Don't worry, Kate. I've got you."

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><p><strong><em>PS: Just an FYI that I'll be participating in NaNoWriMo this year which means I'll be putting this fic on hiatus for the month of November. I'll be putting up at least one more chapter though before the end of the month. I'll try to make it a good one.<em>**

**_PPS: 10/30/11. Okay, my husband has put his foot down and has insisted that I take a break from writing for the next two days since he basically won't see me and won't get to do anything fun with me for the month of November. I can't really blame him for wanting some time with me before I disappear. So, sorry guys. Chapter 8 will wait. Hey, that rhymed._**


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